Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Am I a Real Life Madame Blueberry?

Several years back, while serving as "Mentor Mom" to my former MOPS group, I stepped out of my comfort zone and agreed to share a piece of my own story as the featured speaker. My talk dealt with my depression, trying to fill the voids in my life with things and the cluttered, empty life that resulted.

Sadly, I wasn't the best at backing up my data in case of computer meltdown. After repairs and prayers and more than the nine lives that a cat has, my dear old laptop finally died a year or so ago. It took with it what I had written for that presentation. I've been thinking about the theme of what I spoke on and am not so happy to report that some of the same issues have come creeping back. While in some ways I wish I could get those words back on the page (computer screen), maybe the loss of that document is an opportunity to really consider where I am at now rather than where I was then. Perhaps malfunctioning technology's theft of my written words was the reminder I needed that although some things have stayed the same, my story is ever changing and evolving (and to back up my computer files regularly!) Rather than dwell on the past and what was, I need to center my thoughts on what IS and set my sights on all that CAN BE.

Lately it seems that I am, to some extent, searching and roaming without a set direction or destination. My house and my schedule are filled to the brim with things of little long-term significance. I'm feeling an urge to take a step back and regroup, evaluate and refocus on things that truly belong and matter in my life and in my home.

I wrote back then of feeling a bit like Madame Blueberry from the VeggieTales (any of you with children probably get this reference). At times I just keep going to the "StuffMart" thinking that possessions will make me happy and that having that latest and greatest item or that one thing that "she has" will be the thing that will make my life complete. For those of you familiar with Madame Blueberry, eventually her house got so full of stuff that it tipped over. My house isn't literally tipping over like hers, but things are out of balance and rather than feeling contentment with all my possessions, the possessions are starting to possess me. I have an empty wallet, a full house and still haven't found the one thing I've been searching for and craving: JOY!

What I thought would bring happiness has brought a cluttered house with too much and has left me feeling boxed in, overwhelmed and downright miserable. So...I have decided to put an end to the madness! I've got a plan. Stay tuned...

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