Several years back, while serving as "Mentor Mom" to my former MOPS
group, I stepped out of my comfort zone and agreed to share a piece of
my own story as the featured speaker. My talk dealt with my depression,
trying to fill the voids in my life with things and the cluttered, empty
life that resulted.
Sadly, I wasn't the best at
backing up my data in case of computer meltdown. After repairs and
prayers and more than the nine lives that a cat has, my dear old laptop
finally died a year or so ago. It took with it what I had written for
that presentation. I've been thinking about the theme of what I spoke on
and am not so happy to report that some of the same issues have come
creeping back. While in some ways I wish I could get those words back on
the page (computer screen), maybe the loss of that document is an
opportunity to really consider where I am at now rather than where I was
then. Perhaps malfunctioning technology's theft of my written words was
the reminder I needed that although some things have stayed the same,
my story is ever changing and evolving (and to back up my computer files
regularly!) Rather than dwell on the past and what was, I need to
center my thoughts on what IS and set my sights on all that CAN BE.
Lately
it seems that I am, to some extent, searching and roaming without a set
direction or destination. My house and my schedule are filled to the
brim with things of little long-term significance. I'm feeling an urge
to take a step back and regroup, evaluate and refocus on things that
truly belong and matter in my life and in my home.
I
wrote back then of feeling a bit like Madame Blueberry from the
VeggieTales (any of you with children probably get this reference). At
times I just keep going to the "StuffMart" thinking that
possessions will make me happy and that having that latest and greatest
item or that one thing that "she has" will be the thing that will make
my life complete. For those of you familiar with Madame Blueberry,
eventually her house got so full of stuff that it tipped over. My house
isn't literally tipping over like hers, but things are out of balance
and rather than feeling contentment with all my possessions, the
possessions are starting to possess me. I have an empty wallet, a full
house and still haven't found the one thing I've been searching for and
craving: JOY!
What I thought would bring
happiness has brought a cluttered house with too much and has left me
feeling boxed in, overwhelmed and downright miserable. So...I have
decided to put an end to the madness! I've got a plan. Stay tuned...
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